Christmas Cheers Still Going

“Home Alone”: Do you know why this movie worked so great and became a signature Christmas classic? John Hughes? Maybe. “Me-callie-caulk-in,” (say it with a creepy leprechaun voice over and over; it sounds so much better; first time I heard anyone say it like that was this red-head dude at St. Eds from my class; he was a funny dude, but I cannot remember his name, I think he was a baseball player)? Not really. Joe Pesci? Maybe. Insane plot? Possibly. I believe it worked because of the right combo of actors that made up the story. I loved the burglars and their stupidity. I loved a little boy left in a house and had the time of his life. Notice, little Me-callie-caulk-in shot Larry Bird toy with a BB gun. Damn you. And if anyone ever called my son a little Jerk, I would grab a frozen beer can and whip it at that persons face. Whip ‘em in da face. I will. And I will. And I will. And I will whip it in your face. Classy scene was the pizza delivery guy and the black and white film. Snakes? I don’t know no Snakes. HEARING AID ON

“The Nightmare Before Christmas”: Cult classic blah blah blah. Goofy animation and singing don’t match no how. I never liked it when I first saw it. Sure as hell don’t like it now. Aside from the fact I had no idea what any creature was saying, except for the phrase, “I’m the pumpkin king,” the movie was too long, too dark and too meaningless. In short, nothing was appealing to this hearingless boy. It was a nightmare before my eyes. The only good part was the gumbo ghost blanket that had insects underneath him. He sounded like he should be in a New Orleeeens jazz band. Toot-toot. (I wonder if Disney took his liking & voice for the gator in the Princess & the Frog). HEARING AID OFF

“It’s Christmastime Again, Charlie Brown”: Another magical short moment of tiny childhood holiday memories. Linus doesn’t have a blanket & Peppermint Patty’s toes. No joys there. The greatest moments of this cartoon are the adult voices: whomp whomp whomp. Aw man, I love it, I just wish the adults at the library sounded like that. Actually, wait a minute, nearly everyone sounds like that to me at some point. The best is when I wake up with a real bad case of the Mondays (it doesn’t have to actually occur on a Monday) & arrive to work and get people asking me questions as soon as I walk to my desk. I immediately hear whomp whomp whomp wop wop woo woo woo whomp whomp whomp. I give that person the most unintentionally deadly stare, smile and say softly, “Hold on, bitch I just go here. Gimme an f-ing minute, here. Oh, and I hope you rot in hell.” No wonder some people never come back to me for help. HEARING AID ON