This Is The End Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha

And so the blog ends with this last title:

“Batman”: Nobody plays a better Batman than Michael Keaton. No one does a better Joker than Jack. This version of Batman was closest to the comic books in my heart. The humor by the Joker was funny and tickled my funny bone, “That’s why, I’m glad you’re dead. Ha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!” The portrayal of a playboy Bruce by Keaton was sweet and simple. The man acted clueless about parties, “How many cases of champagne? Six?” And he got the ladies (man oh man was that white dress nasty hideous). But when he donned that batsuit, amazing things happened and he looked waaaaaaaay badass. There was no stopping that batsuit; it just looked powerful. Gothom was sweet and dark looking. But most importantly, the plot was as simple as can be: good guy vs. bad guy. Hubba hubba who do you hear? A HEARING AID ON. And so I leave you with this final post of this movie blog. It was fun and ate up a ton of my time. But in reality, I watch that much, so it was nothing new for me to watch movies and tv shows. However, blogging about it, that was something new and creative, and allowed me to share humor and insights. May 2014 be a HEARING AID ON year for y’all. You go and get now. Dontcha come back har. Ya hear? Ciao. Ciao.

Will This Be My Last

“Hell Comes To Frogtown”: Holy snapballs! What the hell was the movie all about? It was whacked out weirdness, even for a movie watcher like myself: save females to impregnate them in a mutant (mainly lizard creatures) and Rowdy Roddy Piper’s penis belongs to the gov’ment. You want strange and bizarre and a plot that is so stupid it is so worthless to watch, this is for you. The mutants were made really well, but the acting was not even close as worthwhile watching as the ugly frog face female putting the moves on Piper’s piper. You want to be weirded out, please entertain yourself with this puke. HEARING AID OFF

“I Like To Hurt People”: Wow, what a catchy tune throughout, “I like to hurt people. I like to hurt peeeeople. I like to HURT people.” Sing it to an 80s rock sound and you got a catchy groove, people. I like to hurt people. This was one hell of a fun mockumentary with great wrestlers like Dusty Rhodes & Terry Funk. It was so cool watching this film about NWA and seeing interviews with fatso wrestlers that love to hurt people. I like to hurt peeeeople. But underlying it all was the Sheik & the STS (Stop The Sheik) campaign. Fun movie for wresting fans all over. Remember one thing: Dusty Rhodes has wined and dined with kings and queens. Oh, also remember that I like to hurt people. Yeah, I like to hurt people. HEARING AID ON

“Grunt: The Wrestling Movie”: Holy crapballs, this movie is awesome to the cheesiness of the most cheesiest cheese puffs you have ever eaten. This is a fake mockumentary about mostly fake wrestlers and a plot about whether Mad Dog is the Mask. You have got to watch this movie and pay attention to every word. Like for example, after the champ is decapitated during a match, the governing body finally comes to a conclusion after 6 years as to how to proceed with the new champion: battle royal. The mockumentary crew sets out on a hilarious journey and it is all one hell of a ride with laughs beyond control and intention. The ending is surprising and great and will make you get fired up in an odd way and make you nod your head and say, “This movie is great. Man it makes me want to hurt people.” HEARING AID ON

“Hot To Trot”: Ha, what a blast from the atomic past. Gosh, it was a fun, lighthearted ride with a talking horse and ugly Bobcat. Damn, was his hair so bad, along with his clothes, but we’ll forgive him because it was the 80s. The 80s was all about bad hair and horrendous clothes. The reason this movie was simply great was that it had a laidback feel to it; showing the viewers that nothing is truly being taken seriously. And guess what, John Candy is the voice of the horse, which is so worth the fun to watch, well, maybe more so, listen. With this one, turn your hearing aid on and laugh a little at the ridiculousness of it all; 80s style that is. HEARING AID ON

Oh Abe.

“Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter”: I don’t care what you think, but this film was badass. I’m sure it wasn’t as good as the book, but nobody can beat an Honest Abe while he is swinging a mean looking ax. The scenes were sweet, like the horse jumping & train stomping. I loved how the fiction was tied in with the nonfiction. Don’t worry, I know it is nothing new, but the whole fact that the North almost lost to vampires and not slave owners is rather quite mind blowing. Plus, I loved the scene in which the viewer gets to look at Abe with his beard and top hat for the first time: WOW & WHOA!: truly, truly one badass prez. It was fun. It was action. It was real. It was not real. It was a president that understood the value of history and journal taking. It was a president that understood the value of taking sacrifices for the greater good. Hey, vampires just might be out there. If Obama ain’t wielding a silver tipped blade right now, we can still rest assure knowing Sam & Dean got our backs. HEARING AID ON

End Of Christmas Cheers

“It’s A Wonderful Life”: After watching this film, how can it not be. The film has it all: comedy, drama, seriousness, great story-telling narration, wonderful acting and cheesy cheerfulness. Notice Alfalfa. There were even a couple actors that played in a few Stooges’ shorts. The reason why this is such a classy film is that it is about a small town boy and his hopes of leaving, only to get sucked into the town and become a valuable member. Another valuable wonderfulness of this film is the drafty ol’ house and all those damn kids, along with all the miserable happenstances of life that make holidays so extra very stressful, yet wonderful. I wouldn’t go so far as killing myself for the sake of saving the family, because that really doesn’t make sense. The family needs me and whatever pickle one is in, if a family pulls together, great and wonderful things will happen, in time, that is. My favorite scene was when they were in the alternate universe in the bar and the bartender keeps wringing the cash registrar bell, “Look, I’m giving angels wings.” Smart assy and funny. How about when George goes running around at the end in his high pitched voice, running all hunched over? Wonderful. So wonderful. HEARING AID ON

“Jack Frost”: Claymation and what-the-hell-is-going-on-amation? It seemed like the subliminal message was Russians vs. Germans; crazy mechanical one hand man vs. blonde-hair-blue-eyes. The coolest was how snow was made by little blue people. The story was actually very dumb. Dumb dumb dumb. I have no idea as to why I watched it, maybe it was the mechanical horse, the mechanical had puppet and/or the groundhog. Not sure, but I notice my oldest son could not stop watching the movie. HEARING AID OFF

Christmacheeron

“Christmas With The Simpsons”: A small collection of Simpsons Christmas episodes that are funny because of Homer. Homer is the essence of that average American guy who is funny, pitiful, typical, average, below-average, down-to-earth, dumb, down-trodden, sad and everything else American. My favorite is when he parked in the handicap spot and walked away by dragging 1 leg. I know the Simpsons have been around for over 20 years, but I didn’t realize how much spoofing went into the show. Gary Coleman, he crazy. Whatchotalkinbout, Lou? HEARING AID ON

“Fred Claus”: Paul was a great depressed Santa & Vaughn did his usual wrap. But it all worked out. The movie was touching, funny and festive. Best scenes are the chimney dropping scenes (especially the Jewish one & all cookie related scenes) & the siblings anonymous (And then Rocky came out). What was so touching about this movie was the love-hate relationship between the two, Santa always loving & Fred not so much. “You’re the best big brother.” I loved that scene. Although I will never say that to any of my older brothers because they simply can never attain that status; I would love to be told that from my older brothers, even though I’m the youngest. This is what I want to hear, “You’re the best brother. We just forgot to tell you that.” Brother scenes kill me every damn time. A spot within my heart has been ripped open and left unfilled for over a decade by those that are called my brothers. “What happened? Why?” you ask. I fell in love with a beautiful woman who happened to have different colored skin than myself. However, recently, one brotherly love has reentered my life and it feels good, but I must go on as I have done in the past simply because that is the way to go. My 3 sons will learn from the errors of their uncles and what definitely not to do. Life is way, way too short to hate one’s own blood; but it happens and life must go on. Fred & Nick patch up after centuries of stupidity. Yes, all it takes is a small gesture & a pinch of ol’ time brotherly love can be enjoyed. Sadly, we are not everlasting creatures from Claus blood, so patch it already. Idiots. HEARING AID ON

“Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause”: Although not nearly as wonderful as the first 2, I still love the adventure. Martin Short was simply great as a bad guy. His hair was great, his eye brows were truly wonderful & best of all, he made a terrible Santa Claus. This film had a lot of cheesiness involved like the families in the North Pole & the little red-head girl and her snow globes. There was a lot a funniness from Tim that was missing. There were too many secondary characters; there should have been more of a focus on Santa not being Santa. Why did they name their baby Buddy, becauseI immediately thought of Will Ferrell as the Elf? That’s all. HEARING AID ON

Christmas Cheers Still Going

“Home Alone”: Do you know why this movie worked so great and became a signature Christmas classic? John Hughes? Maybe. “Me-callie-caulk-in,” (say it with a creepy leprechaun voice over and over; it sounds so much better; first time I heard anyone say it like that was this red-head dude at St. Eds from my class; he was a funny dude, but I cannot remember his name, I think he was a baseball player)? Not really. Joe Pesci? Maybe. Insane plot? Possibly. I believe it worked because of the right combo of actors that made up the story. I loved the burglars and their stupidity. I loved a little boy left in a house and had the time of his life. Notice, little Me-callie-caulk-in shot Larry Bird toy with a BB gun. Damn you. And if anyone ever called my son a little Jerk, I would grab a frozen beer can and whip it at that persons face. Whip ‘em in da face. I will. And I will. And I will. And I will whip it in your face. Classy scene was the pizza delivery guy and the black and white film. Snakes? I don’t know no Snakes. HEARING AID ON

“The Nightmare Before Christmas”: Cult classic blah blah blah. Goofy animation and singing don’t match no how. I never liked it when I first saw it. Sure as hell don’t like it now. Aside from the fact I had no idea what any creature was saying, except for the phrase, “I’m the pumpkin king,” the movie was too long, too dark and too meaningless. In short, nothing was appealing to this hearingless boy. It was a nightmare before my eyes. The only good part was the gumbo ghost blanket that had insects underneath him. He sounded like he should be in a New Orleeeens jazz band. Toot-toot. (I wonder if Disney took his liking & voice for the gator in the Princess & the Frog). HEARING AID OFF

“It’s Christmastime Again, Charlie Brown”: Another magical short moment of tiny childhood holiday memories. Linus doesn’t have a blanket & Peppermint Patty’s toes. No joys there. The greatest moments of this cartoon are the adult voices: whomp whomp whomp. Aw man, I love it, I just wish the adults at the library sounded like that. Actually, wait a minute, nearly everyone sounds like that to me at some point. The best is when I wake up with a real bad case of the Mondays (it doesn’t have to actually occur on a Monday) & arrive to work and get people asking me questions as soon as I walk to my desk. I immediately hear whomp whomp whomp wop wop woo woo woo whomp whomp whomp. I give that person the most unintentionally deadly stare, smile and say softly, “Hold on, bitch I just go here. Gimme an f-ing minute, here. Oh, and I hope you rot in hell.” No wonder some people never come back to me for help. HEARING AID ON

Santa Cheer Me Up

“Santa Clause 2”: Toy Santa was a trip. Hoo, hoo, hoooooo! Or how ‘bout when it drank the hot cocoa super-fast. Everything about the toy Santa was hilarious. I loved his rant about rules and coal, his face & smile. Dammit all, Tim was great. I even thought the reindeerspeak was great. The value of this movie was the scene in the gym, where all the teachers’ inner child was overwhelmed with Christmas spirit. Ho. Ho. Ho. Get me some of that hot cocoa. No wait. Coal. Yes! Everyone gets coal. Coal. Coal. Coal. And some more coal. As adults, we have to remember that the best gifts are not booze and money, but rather that certain toy or collectible or that always wanted item. For me, I would rather receive G.I. Joes for Christmas over anything in the whole wide little Santa world. I’m sure you don’t feel the same, but here is a holiday shopping tip for you. I hate Giant Eagle because the damn store is overpriced and fool you into believing that if you spend such amount from its overpriced aisles, you will get free gas. How much goddamn of your money do you have to spend to get that free tank. Anyways, I love to do Christmas shopping at giant beagle for my holiday peeps. I get the points and people get groceries, booze, gift cards and/or lotto tickets. Keep presents simple for those outside the nuclear family. But for the inner most loved ones within the homefront, give ‘em a little bit of everything. Make your gifts have a little bit of your inner personality. Oh, you don’t need to buy Christmas cards, make your own. You don’t need to buy wrapping paper; wrap in newspaper or a simple plastic bag. Everything ends up in the garbage at some point, yes, even the gifts. Just think: if you gave booze as a gift it will be drunk. If you gave food for a gift, it will be eaten. If you gave a gift card, THEY can figure out what they want. If you give lotto, it gives the scratcher a tiny bit of hope for some cash. Ho. Ho. Ho. Enjoy some hot cocoa and say, “Whoa!” really loud after each sip. Enjoy, and enjoy the damn holidays, & visualize young Mrs. Claus naked under her Mrs. Claus robe. Whoa! HEARING AID ON