For Movies 4 You

“Grave Of The Vampire”: Hm. Okay. Zzzzzzzzzzzzz. Huh. Wha? What a dedicate mother! she cut her boob so the hampire (half human/half vampire) baby can feed. Zzzzzzzzz. Huh. Wha? Hey, that hampire has hair, big collars, pants & boots just like Elvis. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Huh. Wha? Oh, the movie is over, or is it? Zzzzzzzz. HEARING AID OFF

“Texas Chainsaw”: I forced myself to watch this, even though my nephew said it was good. I had to give it a try and loved it. Hear me out (the best you can & pun intended), I hated the original, the 3 sequels & the remake. But this one made Leatherface, I mean Jed a person to root for. People invade his territory, well, hell now, they askin’ for some trouble, southern style. (Notice the similarity between this movie & the “Friday the 13^th” remake, in terms of killers.) This movie was classic horror, not the demented psychological weirdness that injures the psyche of the movie watcher; it had that 80s slasher quality. Oh, we cannot forget that sexy Sawyer, that seemingly decided not to wear her bra the second half of the movie. (I enjoyed the running to the payphone scene, thank you very much). And those damn hillbillies and their version of poetic justice, thank goodness they all died. Just wished one of them were chewing tabacky & got their throat slit only to have tabacky juice flow out. HEARING AID ON

“Beneath The Surface”: An extraordinary lame attempt at modern zombie voodoo. A lame looking Marilyn Manson kid falls for a somewhat hottie cool chick that is dating a douchebag boy. The rest of the story does not truly matter. If the DVD was mine I would have dug a hole and buried it beneath the surface, AND left it there. HEARING AID OFF

“Love Is A Many-splendored Thing”: Academy award winner or not, this love story sucked as much as the lead woman looked any bit Asian. Eurasian my ass, more like Eurass. What am I even talking about? Moving on to more important nonsense, this movie had no idea what love was. True love? More like true lust. The two lovers, I mean lusters were just enjoying the first part of their relationship, lust. We have all been there. First stage of a relationship is the infatuation of one another’s physical attributes, sex organs, smells, thrills of being naked and close. Then after that, the real world sets in, like dealing with one another or one’s family’s views, figuring out each other’s strengths, weaknesses, likes, hates, then dealing with the other’s annoyances. The next stage is molding into one another so that each think alike. And the grand finale stage: kids, bills, alcohol/drugs, shattering of dreams, divorce & death! The lusters never made it to the next level while alive; so lame. HEARING AID OFF