4 Zombies & A Cop

“Bloodlust Zombies”: Extremely funny, but lacks everything else. The same zombies tend to be used over and over even though, by zombie rules, redead. The actors are funny, but cannot act. The porn star’s screams truly hurt my hearing aid, therefore will hurt your average good ears. Keep an eye out for the tall zombie in a suit that waves his arms around in utter joy (best scene of movie is when porn star slices head off utter joy waving zombie with ax). HEARING AID OFF

“Zombies Gone Wild”: I beg of you to never, ever see this movie. If you do not heed my warning and decide to watch the movie, please watch it with your eyes closed & on mute. The 3 main characters are NOT funny one bit and in all honesty, nothing is funny about this movie. Zombies are not even a major factor and do not show up until the end. Terrible, terrible & a huge turning of the HEARING AID OFF! Again, please do not ever watch this movie & forget I even mentioned it, you will do the world a huge favor & maybe this movie will be erased from the existence of mankind.

“Rise Of The Zombies”: An okay movie that had potential but full of dumb characters. Notice that the scientist guy is Inspector Gadget 2, which is how I kept viewing him. Wowsers, my chimp is still alive after I injected it with this here serum. Anyways, why must people try to get in a boat at night time? Dumb. Oh, & zombies must be super strong to climb up steel bridges, after being wet from the water. What dumbness?! Have to say, there was one creepy/disturbing scene that involved a newborn. In the end, there is a zombie cure & a HEARING AID OFF.

“Operation: Nazi Zombies”: Title alone sounds like this movie is gonna be great. You guessed it; it simply sucks the balls of an elephant. I’m telling you to not waste your time with a movie that has a bunch of goofy military looking goons wandering around the Cleveland Metroparks-like area in search of a way out. Why is there a camo-faced soldier running around killing his own people? Did he snap? Honestly, in the big scheme of things, it don’t matter. Nothing matters in this movie. This movie doesn’t matter. This blog about this movie doesn’t matter. HEARING AID OFF

“Freelancers”: A crooked cop that is Italian. Never heard of it. A rapper in real life trying to be an actor. Never heard of that. NYPD is corrupt. Why that has to be new. I know 50 Cent could beat my ass in real life, but his punching scenes are way terrible. My 3 month old could do a better job. HEARING AID OFF

Horror Hansel/Gretel

“Hansel & Gretel” (from Asylum): My goodness how lame & stupid can the hero/heroine be. How many times are the siblings going to pass up an ax, machete and other weapons, which could be of use to slay the idiot bad people? It makes me so mad when the bad people are idiots and get away with so much for so long. Those long haired brothers were big dumb oxen that somehow could manage to slay innocent people for so long. The mother looked like Jason Voorhees’ mom & the brothers were Leatherface look-likes. Hansel was a complete idiot, and just eat the damn candy already & stop littering. HEARING AID OFF

Ledgeman

“Man on a Ledge”: You want to know what’s odd about this movie? I predicted everything within like the first 10 minutes of the movie, but I still rate this movie with a HEARING AID ON. I caught myself on the ledge of my bed with captivating anticipation even though I knew what the outcome was going to be. The scenes were played out rather well, but nothing beats that Latina getting dressed in that tight outfit. I know, how typical of a guy to say such thing, but that tease along with the back and forth argument between Joey & the Latina was enjoyable.

Modern Attempts @ What

"Triangle": okay, I get it, it is a modern take on the Greek myth about the dude that pushes a rock all the way up and appears so close to pushing the rock over the mountain, but noooooooo, the rock rolls back down. The same fate happens to the mother, who obviously wishes she had a break from her autistic child, so in turn is so close to getting back to her son/be with her son. The viewers get it. The one thing I don't understand, why does hairless Thor keep getting killed, he is a big dude or why doesn't the blonde girl killed from the other people. At first the story is creepy, then once the story is outta the bag, then we know the outcome over and over and over. Thankfully I do not have to watch the movie over and over. HEARING AID OFF

"Lockout": Oh wow, a smart-ass framed cop who gets the girl, but not just any girl, the president's daughter in the end. Booooo & typical. Who wants typical? Since I'm a master of public administration (PA), I will take that PA approach to how disappointed I was at the President for choosing his daughter over the millions of Americans. The Pres. should know that sacrificing one for the greater good is much more noble, ethical and better PR that choosing the wrong path of a PA. Even though the goatee dude was a big prick, he was always willing to do his job above anything else, even if it meant being perceived as an unlovable PA. I wish this movie could have exploded with the inmates. HEARING AID OFF

You Say Zombies?

“Zombie Apocalypse” (this is the version with 2012 above title with Ving Rhames). A lame ass group of bums, not in the literal sense walk around in a not so smart fashion. I am not even going to mention how horrible the effects are. No sir. Watching my 5 & 3 year olds run away from imaginary zombies is far more entertaining than this zombie movie. You have to see the Alice Cooper zombie in the shower scene that walks like the hunchback of Notre Dame: awesomely funny. You will catch yourself constantly yelling at the characters in the movie: Why is the sword woman leading? Why is he wearing shoulder pads? How do shotgun bullets that are pointed to the ground find their way up into a zombie’s skull? Who tapes a baseball bat? Why is their duct tape on a bat? That is just for starters. You will notice that these zombies are really smart, but that does not change the fact of me giving this poop of a movie a HEARING AID OFF.

Inspector s2pid

“Inspector Gadget 2”: Why did you torture me endlessly for the time I watched you? Suck you and the gadgetmobile you rode in on. Nothing about it was Inspector Gadget-like except for Penny and the overcoat. Why a G2? Why an ugly car? Why a female gadget, I ask again? Why ugly looking gadgets that seem impractical to all things crime fighting? Why did I watch this movie? HEARING AID OFF

Can't Get Enough Mystery Incorporated

And so the Scooby joys continue. I am addicted to "Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated." Here is what I have to say about Season 1, part 2. Remember people, this is a cartoon that continues from the previous episodes. There are creatures from past episodes brought in, even old cartoons which Scooby dreams of like the Curly talking shark, dune buggy that sputters make appearances. One has to be extremely quick to catch all the references to old horror movies and current pop culture references. Sadly, I watched so many episodes that everything seemed like one giant episode, nonetheless, the ending is awesome, its a jaw-dropping experience. It's a trapping HEARING AID ON. (If you want to watch it in DVD order, here it is: Season 1, V.1/ Season 1, V.2/ Season 1, V.3 & Season 1, part 2. Don't ask.)

Then the last DVD set currently available to watch for "Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated" is Season 2, Part 1. Awe man, simply awesome. Shaggy starts with a military buzz & Fred has a long hobo beard. You have to see this, from my blur of a memory is that there is a homage paid to Jason's mask, spoofs of Twilight Saga, the Fog/Mist and there is this famous actor character in the horror movies the people of Crystal Cove watch, Vincent Van Ghoul who can be a combination of Vincent Price, Peter Vincent & Ghoulardi. HEARING AID ON & a Scooby-Dooby-Doo!

"Django Unchained": Hot damn, that Django character is one bad ass (you know the word that was repeated in the movie so much). This movie has it all, action, comedy, romance, gore but most of all, badassness. The best was how slavery was in the background & the main focus was seeking the wife, while killing a couple white boys along the way. That German dude I cannot follow at all, he speaks perfect British inaudibly nearly all the time, & the most I understood of him was when he spook German and there were English subtitles. Naturally, the best scene was when all those whiteys where on their horses arguing about the white sacks on their heads. HEARING AID ON

Keep the Scooby Snacks Coming

You can’t mess with this Scooby-Doo gang. I am telling you, you have to watch this “Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated” Season 1, Vol. 3. HEARING AID ON again and again. The toon pokes fun/pays tribute to X-men, Hulk, Voltron, Terminator & even has a character that looks like Don Knotts. The mysteries are still the usual unmasking, but there is a big underlying mystery that continues throughout each episode. Beware, I believe this Scooby is more for adults; my boys showed no interest, but me on the other hand, cannot get enough and I’m 33.

More Scooby Dooby Doo!

Bring on more Scooby! “Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated” Season 1, Vol. 2 was full of Scooby-Coolness. Loved every minute of it. If you love the Scooby of the late 60s, you will love this updated version which blends the old and the new to create unforgettable Scooby-Doo! The best is how every episode continues into the next, like it is one big episode. HEARING AID ON

How Beautiful is Life?

“Life is Beautiful” At the time of World War II, could have things been beautiful? Things are always beautiful for love & children. While the movie did start off with goofy Roberto Benigni doing goofy stuff for his princess, but then the movie changes. The camp. Wow, things got good and realistic. A father doing what he could for his child. I know I’d give my physical heart if one of my sons needed it to survive, even if it was for a little while. HEARING AID ON

This Ain't Police Academy

"End of Watch": (recommended from a FB friend) was a sad, great disturbing movie. The luck & skill of the police officers I knew would run out, but the approach to the story was entertaining and realistic. Thank god those punks were shot dead & the movie ended on a funny note. Notice there is a scene in which the cops go to the house where the grandma is supposed to be & the cops find chopped up bodies. The cops talk about old people not hearing the door knock b/c of their hearing aids. That is very true for us young folks as well; I never know when someone is knocking until my dog barks or my wife starts screaming for me to get the door. Once when I was young & sleeping over a buddy's house, we were playing war/hide-n-go-seek/camouflage dress up, & a neighbor called the police. The police drive up and say something to us, but we don't move, then the cop asks, "Are you deaf?" and I reply, "Yes, I am. I wear a hearing aid?" The nice officer dismissed us. HEARING AID ON.

What I expected

"What To Expect When You're Expecting" was a tear jerker for me. No, I never had a baby. Yes, I'm a man. However, my wife had 3 babies (all healthy) and each one was a different ordeal: baby 1: birth class, birth plan, week overdue, injected to hurry up labor, then C-section; baby 2: planned C-section; baby 3: home birth, 3 days of labor, then rushed to hospital to have C-section. I loved how the movie captured the various pregnancies and added sadness, humor, and believable disbelief. HEARING AID ON even if the newborn has a piercing cry. Plus, usually a movie with too many well known actors fails, this one worked well in giving everyone a little piece of the film.

"Brian's Song" had everything I love in movies: overcoming racism, Italian related theme (pizza & Piccolo) and football. Yet, the movie was missing a spark. Although it made me think of the shortness of life and how anyone can die any moment leaving behind loved ones and unfulfilled dreams, I wanted the movie to end due to boredom. HEARING AID OFF.

Little Bit Of Scooby Can't Hurt

"Scooby-Doo!: Mystery Incorporated" Season 1, Volume 1 was a nostalgic piece of cartoon history for me. I love Scooby-Doo, especially this new version. It brings the old with the new with humor, new twist and the usual mysteries. HEARING AID ON all the way. I have this odd feeling that some horror films are being used as influences, like that green monster in episode one walks just like the army zombie from "Return of the living dead," & the episode with the gators had a character in the beginning that looked like Bruce Campbell in "Evil Dead." Pretty well done.

Yes, another Scooby-Doo: "Scooby-Doo! Legend of the Phantosaur". Yes, cheeky and fun Scooby snack fun. It is the usual Scooby-Doo-ness, but not only that, it was a movie that made me want to finish watching after I put the boys to bed. Yes, I have a confession, I was gonna watch it regardless if my boys were around. Seeing a bad-ass Shaggy was great & I loved the ending. Will the real Shaggy please stand up. HEARING AID ON.

My nephew told me to watch "Breaking Bad" and so it begins. Season 1 ended awesomely. Episode 6 was the best with the explosion of the Mercury Ful-something, the god of chemistry. I find myself rooting for the criminal, just like I did for Tony in the "Sopranos." HEARING AID ON for the cancer man and his willingness to break the law to make money for his family.

"Christine" what a bummer. After having read the book of the same title by Stephen King, I thought that the book could have been made into an awesome movie. Then I stumbled upon the movie while watching cable at someone's house & was pumped. I put the movie in and I stumbled soberly while bobbing my head sleepily through the film. No character building at all in this film. Just an evil car: boring and boring. HEARING AID OFF. I will say this though, if King wore a hearing aid, he would have watched this movie, took out his hearing aid & smashed it with a sledgehammer and said, "What a bunch of Hollywood shitters!"

Purple Purple Purple

You wanna blast from the past? Try "Purple People Eater". Wow, was I excited to watch this one until I started watching it. Even though it was so bad it was BAD, it still brought a smile to my face & almost got teared up on nostalgic tears. Can you believe this movie was inspired & made from that song Purple People Eater? How bizarre (I bet I could make a movie outta that song by OMC)? So, this movie has a strange special place in my heart for 2 reasons, & one of them is not b/c there is a young Doogie Howser, MD: 1. I love that one eyed, one horned purple people eater b/c it was cute & ugly at the same time & walked really funny & 2. the grandfather wore a hearing aid & for some reason would have it in and not turn it one (maybe the character was giving everyone the hearing aid off treatment). And the survey sayzzzzz: HEARING AID ON.

Wanderlusting

"Do Not Disturb" is a cheeky comedy that entails that Shakespearian comedy of errors and it works. The movie gradually gains grace, starting slow and then wham the constant mixups and break ups and good sweet comedy. Best scene is when the girl is plastered outta her mind in Paris. Damn! That scene made me want to gobble down some wine, even though I hate the taste of wine. HEARING AID ON.

Here is a movie that was requested for me to watch from a FB friend. BTW, if anyone out there has any movie or TV show (an entire season that is) suggestions, please let me know, & I will do my best to watch/rewatch and post a comment. "Wanderlust": I've had this movie in my possession when it first came out at the library, but thought it would be one of those dry humor movies, you know when every person delivers a comedic line that makes no sense, and there are no facial expressions, or if there is a facial expression, it looks like they are contemplating to talk with cotton mouth while suppressing a fart. Oh, dry humor is like only funny to 1 person you associate with and there is always something off with that person. "Wanderlust" is not dry humor it is damn funny, HEARING AID ON quality humor. You have to watch the mirror scene at least twice: his hillbilly accent, facial expressions and dialogue are a trip. "Get in yer vag!" I still cringe at naked running fat men in slow-motion, why must we be invited to such a delight (but it is still funny).

Boo For These Zombies

"Ground Zero": I thought to myself, "Wow. Cool, look at this DVD cover. Must be a crazy horror/zombie movie!" The move begins with heavy metal (Oh boy) & the quality is like a D, yes a D movie, not your typical B movie, which I love so. The movie had me going with "Hey this ain't so bad. I like those 2 fat guys b/c they are stupid, corny & look like real dudes I wouldn't mind hanging out with." But there is that lead character who is a huge bag of douche. I like the blonde chick b/c she has a type of sex appeal, but in the end the bag of douche ruins the movie; he alone makes the movie a HEARING AID OFF.

And then I watch "The House of Seven Corpses" a 70s crap movie in terms of footage and sound. Huh? Wha? What she say? Why does Price keep looking out the window, what does he hear that I don't? How does the corpse know which room each person is in (must have hearing 100% better than me, I guess hearing improves with death)? If it wasn't for the plot blurb on back of DVD I would never have known what the premise of the movie was. I give it a smashing HEARING AID OFF.

Why Switch

"The Switch"had its cute moments but in the end if fell very flat. Wally was such an ass-clown that he was so unlikable. Why did Aniston character even like him? The boy was weird, but still cute. If anyone was grand and likable it was the Goldblum character. There was no romance, there was no nothing but me wishing I switched movies. HEARING AID OFF.

Walking on

"Walking Dead" Season 3: zombies, zombies, zombies! I cannot get enough of them. Hopefully, within 2 years, I get my zombie book published. Anyways, I am a fan of the comic books. So glad Andrea's dead. Also fond of the Hershel character. Michonne is still badass. Oh, hell yes! A HEARING AID ON.

"G.I. Blues": hm, even though Elvis' singing is horrible on this film, I have to say, he can be funny. Still giving a HEARING AID ON to Elvis' fifth movie. There is just something about watching him on film and wondering if he is acting or just being himself.

Why, oh why was "The Human Centipede: The First Sequence" made? Yes, I am aware of part 2. Stupid scientist, stupid girls, stupid cops & poor truck driver. Unsure about the Japanese boy, how did he get there. Some nasty swallowing shit in this movie: HEARING AID OFF.

"Back To The Future": you know I'm gonna give it a HEARING AID ON because it is, "Great Scot!" that awesome. The story, the machine, the everything is timeless. 80s movies still rule in my book.

Bring on the express

"The Express" was a great sad wonderful sad football story of a truly gifted athlete. I love football movies, not because I played football in high school & college (I still have splinters in my butt) but because the game is glorified with brutes rising and overcoming some obstacle. In this instance, aside from the tragic end to a young athlete/man, the obstacle is racial tension. Racial tension may not be around on a grand scale now, but it sure is on micro-scale. Trust me, I know. It sucked to know that people were made to feel inferior due to skin color. What, do not people know that in the end, we all die? We, of different skin colors will die, no one is any better off than anyone else. Movies with racism have a special place in my heart. I have three older brothers that don't talk to me because I fell in love with an African American woman. So, you can see why this movie gets a HEARING AID ON.

"My Sucky Teen Romance" was kind of a bore. Sucky to say the least. Seemed like the teens that played the actors/actresses were the ones who made the movie (hint: Nancy Drew character). Vampires are just not my thing. HEARING AID OFF.