Another 2 For Seagalmaster

“Fire Down Below”: I believe this film gives the Seagalmaster the spoof name of Cockpuncher. He busted so many balls with his fists that I believe he punched out all the sperm and left every male in the film, including the male viewer shooting blanks for the next 16 years. The story line was asinine, whatever that word truly means, but it seems like if fits this movie appropriately. But the fighting scenes were great stuff. What wasn’t great was Seagalmaster’s jackets; all three were bad: all black long coat, all brown long coat with dangling shreads & the most atrocious-hideous of all was the pink zebra long coat or whatever that leather mutant he wore. But beating on those poor dumb 90s haired hillbillies was ultimate pleasure. Normally, I have no idea what Seagalmaster says, because he mumbles his language conversations, but with closed captions, aw man, he has some brilliant one liners. Due to the fact he is almost expressionless (except his first few movies) and his line deliverance with zero intonation equals pure entertainment badass joy. His fight scenes truly to amaze me, till this day. Would I lie. HEARING AID ON

“Hard To Kill”: What a guy! Nearly superhuman they say. And what do you know, he has a secret past that extends to China and mystic healings and ends in him becoming a cop in a bad American City. Badass Seagalmaster on all levels, even how he makes the same sex moves on each of the girls: butt grab, then boob cup. I wish there was no showing of his amazing comeback, (amazing things are happening at Metro blah blah blah, stupid commercials & damn hospital bills I am still paying, but have a healthy son. Indeed, amazing.). He punched the rope board with tender playfulness, ran like a buffoon up a dirt hill road, & did is chop suey chops with such sloppiness that I would never have guessed he knew his martial arts. Seagalmaster can still beat those bad guys pretty damn bad, and how ‘bout a double barrel to the mouth; take that to the bank! HEARING AID ON