Spring My Ass

“Spring Breakers”: Better off pouring your 5 day old garbage filled with poop diapers, rotten fish & raw chicken juice onto your bed, and lie in the pile of filth than watch this movie. What did the writer of the film think, “Oh, I know, I’m going to make a film that is an extra long rap video with a bunch of scenes that don’t follow.” I  almost wondered to myself if there is something wrong with me not liking a movie with skinny white girls dancing around on the beach drinking like crazy buffoons, giving the middle finger, and showing their titties (my wife hates that word, I’m not fond of it either, but felt appropriate to use it in this blog). Maybe it is because I’m married, have 3 kids, still party. Is it? Maybe it is because I am not a teenage boy. No, that can’t be, cause my testosterone is still flowing full force (a pro and a con). What the hell can it be? I know, the gangsta life because I am not a fan of movies about ganstas. No, that isn’t it, because there are some good ones out there, like “Next Day Air” or the ones with fat Seagal and a rapper. Maybe I disliked the movie because the dudes were drinking Natty Light and wasting so much booze by throwing it all over the place (which is alcohol abuse in my book). Wait, I got it! The movie is STUPID. Everything about it is stupid (except the black booty scenes, I know, I know, I’m becoming stupid like this movie). My advice for the boys: fast forward all the scenes and stop where there is nudity. My advice for the girls: don’t waste any of your pretty time on this and hang out with your BFFs. HEARING AID OFF. Honestly, what was the point of this movie: to waste my goddamn sleeping time. I hate you for this creation.